It is a truth universally known that as one part of your life starts to go right, another part goes catastrophically wrong - not entirely sure if I've made that up or paraphrased, possibly from Bridget Jones...nevertheless, it appears to be true. For me anyway.
I've pulled my head out of the sand for once and am re-assessing the work in progress, albeit from a safe distance of plotting in my head in spare moments. I've yet to open the document which is tucked away in my laptop. Truth it, I am still monumentally scared of it! Ridiculous, but there it is. I am scared of it being worse than I remember and then having the prospect of having to re-write it, or my worst nightmare to scrap it altogether. It's not something I want to face, and last year I wasn't strong enough emotionally to deal with it. Writing was and still is a hobby but it clashed with work, both the job I was doing and the search for the career prospect that could get me on the first step of the ladder. I felt guilty for writing at all in my spare time so it dwindled and stopped completely. Then the amazing thing happened and I got the full time job for which I am eternally grateful, but writing was pushed even farther away whilst I concentrated on getting things right in the office and focussing on what I had to do. Now thought I am finding that I would like to go back to my hobby, add to the story and maybe even finish it this year...I feel happy thinking about it, but I know how much hard work it will take. But I think I can cope now *insert insane grin here*
The catastrophic bit comes from the day job surprisingly enough! Perhaps I'm blowing it out of proportion and only time will tell really. Lack of communication is frustrating and I am starting to feel incompetent even when other people are making the mistakes...something to work through, but it means taking my eye off the writing again. It comes down to Making Time, setting it aside specifically to do what I enjoy, a bit of self discipline again. Just got to get off the carousel of worry for a while and having a day off in the week has helped enormously; I spent today just shopping with mum, making her laugh, spent a little too much on gadgets and toys that I've been after for some time and got a decent deal in hindsight...I enjoyed being able to forget about work for a day. Back to the grindstone tomorrow, but tomorrow is another day.
I forget sometimes how good it feels just to be able to write freely like this, I impulsively want to apologise for ranting but for once it feels good to let off some steam :-) thanks for listening!